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Friday, 24 November 2006

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Love on the sand

The cat's out of the bag about the worst-kept secret in TV. ITV has decided to scrap 'Celebrity Love Island'

Our Showbiz reporter Oscar Bafta says "I'm not bloomin' well surprised. It was a complete crock of shit"

Executives responsible for commissioning the second helping of this load of old bollocks are thought to have been asked to leave their six-figure salaried jobs immediately.

Cheeky Irish funny man Patrick Kielty is said, by sources close to the cheeky Irish funny man, to be relieved at the news. Reports have been surfacing all over the Internet that he has been spotted continually sobbing since the last run of the tosh-fest finished. Close friends have also mumbled about a possible suicide bid.

His girlfriend Siobhan Yernikas, the daughter of multi-millionaire Greek horseshoe magnet, has been spotted having some 'retail therapy' in Belfast's slick shopping district but, so far, has refused to comment on Kielty's state of mind.

Meanwhile ITV Executives are said to be in negotiations with Ant and Dec in an attempt to get them to front a new show to replace the failed steaming pile of poo.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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