Written by Catchthisdrift
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this

Monday, 14 April 2014

image for Relative Success of Movie Noah Sparks Hollywood Interest In Other Bible-based Movies Completely Devoid of Biblical Accuracy
Liam Neeson as Job.

With the relative success of the recently-released movie 'Noah', staring Russell Crowe, there is buzz in Hollywood of making additional feature-length motion pictures based on Bible stories that are (almost) completely devoid of the events of the actual stories in the Bible.

In the case of 'Noah', which claims to be based on the Biblical account of the world-wide flood found in Genesis 5:32 through 10:1, the movie and Biblical account do have some similarities: both contain a man named Noah, both have a big boat and both have rain. After that the stories for the most part diverge.

Darren Aronofsky, who directed the movie, called it "the least biblical biblical film ever made," Aronofsky is a professed atheist.

Even 'C and E Christians' - those who generally attend church only on Christmas and Easter - expressed their belief that the movie is a wholly un-Biblical telling of the Biblical story.

According to sources within the movie industry, plans are being considered for several movies based on Bible stories that take significant liberties with the actual Biblical accounts. Below are some of the ideas rumored to be circulating:

Job (rhymes with probe): The story in the Bible is about a man who God essentially turns over to The Devil to show that Job's Faith in God will not waiver even under the harshest of circumstances. The movie version will (allegedly) star Liam Neeson as a man whose family is kidnapped by drug lords who take them on a plane. Neeson's character sprouts wings and flies to the airliner to save his family.

Jonah: The biblical story is about a man trying to escape God rather than fulfill God's command to speak to the city of Nineveh to get the city to repent of their sins. Jonah ends up in the belly of a "great fish" (the bible doesn't actually say whale). Eventually Jonah repents of his own sins, is saved from the big fish, and speaks to the citizens of Nineveh, all of whom indeed repent. The producers of the proposed movie version hope to reunite two stars of the cast from Jaws - namely Roy Scheider and Richard Dreyfuss. This despite Scheider's death in 2008. The Jonah character in the movie will end up in the belly of "a great fish" after being eaten by a Great White shark.

Revelation (this biblical story is very often wrongly titled 'Revelations' or 'The book of Revelations.'): Revelation is an entire book of the Bible - the last book in fact. It tells the story of the end of this world (the ubiquitous Apocalypse) as described by the author John after having received a vision from God. The movie version will star Julia Roberts, Dame Judi Dench, Tracey Ullman, Pink, former United States Secretary of State Madeline K. Albright and Abigail Breslin as a group of women who spend a weekend together knitting a sweater when a magical pair of pants gives them revelations on how to better color coordinate their spring wardrobes.

Make Catchthisdrift's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this


Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 4 multiplied by 5?

6 20 1 25

Go to top