Written by queen mudder
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Topics: Justin Bieber

Thursday, 23 January 2014

image for Drunk Justin Bieber caught speeding in drag
Bieber's matching red fedora alone cost nearly $5,000

Miami Beach, Florida - Sporting a gorgeous long blond wig and gigantic false breasts squeezed into a fetching red sequin $5,000 Vera Wang cocktail dress the 19 year-old Canadian entertainer was apprehended by Miami cops early this morning who booked him for speeding and erotic -uh, erratic! - drunk driving.

"My eyes were initially drawn to the moonlight bouncing off this blond's ginormous 44FF breasts," arresting officer Bud Razelli told reporters as details of the 100mph car chase emerged, "imagine my surprise when it turned out to be Justin Bieber."

Witnesses say Bieber managed to stagger out of his $250,000 silver Lamborghini just as police officers began reading him his rights only to come crashing face down into the damp Miami Beach sand after the 6 inch heel of one of his $1,000 red snakeskin Manolo Blahniks sank into the shifting dune.

Bieber was then handcuffed and taken to the local police station where the booking sergeant remarked 'Nice legs, Justin!' before chucking him into a holding cell.

This morning the singer's attorney hinted his client might plead 'No Contest' to a DUI charge depending on the results of toxicology tests.

However, a $2,000,000 counter suit alleging police damaged his expensive designer ensemble during the arrest process is a distinct possibility.

A court appearance will follow shortly.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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