Written by Backandtotheleft
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Sunday, 13 October 2013

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What You'll Put On To Your Forehead If You Watch More Than Five Seconds Of TV

Channel Four have finally brought out the TV show that the country has been crying out for. "Up All Night: The Nightclub Toilet" looking to cash in on the nations massive interest in seeing drunk wanker's being sick and swearing at the attendants other channels have been falling over themselves to think up the next big hitter.

Back and to the Left news has teamed up with a well known production company to throw some ideas out there. Or in Nightclub Toilet speak "to flush some turd's into the great sewer of TV entertainment" which were sure was the hook they used to get their show on the air.

Celebrity What's That Discharge?

Families are teamed up with ex TOWIE cast members to guess what and who's fluid is in a certain box. Is it Will Young's blood? Katie Price's menstruation? Or perhaps Phil Tuffnall's semen? We'll let Mark Wright guess! Hosted by Mat Baker.

Penis Or Sausage: The Big British Debate:

This will be a one off five hour special exploring Britain's fascination with shit TV. Hosted by a lot of self serving tosser's who think because they read the Guardian we want to hear their opinions. The premise is simple, is the thing you're being shown a penis or a sausage. The twist? It's always a penis and the audience has been tricked into looking at a array of them for five hour, pure telly gold.

Inside Britain's Toughest Post Offices:

A simple premise where we take a channel five documentary crew (no other channel will want this shite) and have them film Britain's toughest post office's! It's a winner already, meet eighty four year old Gladys's who had to tell a man that he couldn't send a parcel in such a small packet once! Gripping stuff.

Knife Crime From The Other Side (of the blade):

Helen Flanagan hosts a behind the scenes look at why knife crime is so popular. She'll seek to tell the compelling story or Traiq and Troy two happy go lucky London teenagers who just happen to enjoy knifing people in broad daylight. An emotional journey through the five planned episodes (could be extended) one where we hope the viewer will be able to empathise with these little killers.

If any channel would like to purchase the rights to any of these shows please, before you do, hang yourself. It'll do the world a lot of good.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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