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Tuesday, 17 September 2013

GILLETTE STADIUM/ZOMBIELAND- The truth is indeed out there for Patriot fans. Now the real reason that Brandon Lloyd refused to return to the Patriots has been revealed.

Yes, rumors are accurate. Brandon Lloyd has gone zombie. Having retired from the zombie corps of Tom Brady receivers, Brandon Lloyd appears in a new movie in his acting debut. He will be in After Effect, about the military experiment to turn college students into zombies.

Lloyd plays Sergeant Lloyd, which likely made memorizing the script easier. In any case, it had to be easier than memorizing the Bill Belichick playbook.

Lloyd has had plenty of experience working as a automaton and proto-zombie in the Belichick NFL system. It prepared him for his role in the terrifying plot about a quarterback in search of eternal youth who drinks the blood of young receivers to keep his edge.

No, wait. That's another movie.

Lloyd gave up his million-dollar contract to play football for the contract for a direct-to-video movie royalty. The film will go on sale immediately at Wal-Mart before movie critics can dig in their heels and find out why he keeps falling down when it's his turn to deliver a line.

Lloyd was considered kind of a lockerroom zombie during his year with the Patriots, but no one knew that he was preparing for his movie role. All those bizarre conversations with Tom Brady were actually rehearsals for Brandon's big movie scene.

The movie After Effect should not be confused with the movie Side Effect. Side Effect is the story of an NFL coach who loses his edge and discovers that all the players he has brought to his team are zombies and serial killers.

That one will also go direct to video.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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