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Tuesday, 17 September 2013

image for Mary-Kate Olsen to work in new movie "Breakout"
Mary-Kate Olsen infected with "Coconut Herbies."

Amid ongoing legal issues, a recent car crash and a grumpy run-in with children, Mary Kate Olsen has secured her next movie role.

Producer Fred Jacob says Olsen will star in "Breakout," a film directed by Mike Eschmann about sex and ambition among 20 gang members in Los Angeles. They all breakout with "Coconut Herbies" a Jamaican venereal illness that is caught by licking the genitals of coconut crabs.

In the movie, an old voodoo woman, who lives in a secluded part of Jamaica, makes a prediction informing the 20 gang members, who are vacationing on the Island, that Olsen, who plays the character of Rebecca, will never be happily married to any man after being diagnosed with carrying the "Coconut Herbies." The gang laughs at the old woman and accuse her of speculating.

Olsen publicist, Steve Honig, confirmed Wednesday that the actress had been cast in "Breakout" and added that she has been on set since last week. The director picked Olsen for the film because her head is proportionally bigger than her body and she looks perfect as a swap creature.

In her role, she is the only person to lick crab genitals. She then spreads the "Coconut Herbies," to all her female friends by performing cunnilingus. Her female friends then infected their boyfriends causing the whole gang to get "Coconut Herbies." The last male to get the "Coconut Herbies," screams out that his genitals are burning. When the group inspects his genitals they are covered in red and blue bumps with saggy outgrowths of skin.

"A big part of the reason she did this was because of Fred Jacob and the opportunity to work with such an iconic filmmaker," Honig said.

Olsen recently completed work on the Lifetime movie "Dick faced Mary," in which she played Mary Jason a woman born with a wide face, a deformed lip line, and big spooky eyes. During that production, she crashed her Porsche into a dump truck and a week later was treated by paramedics for exhaustion and dehydration.

Olsen remains a suspect by the airlines for taking a piece of luggage last year from someone's airline seat without permission. Her attorney has issued an explanation that Olsen tried to get the bag to it's rightful owner when security stopped her.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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