Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Friday, 13 September 2013

image for Lindsay Lohan Vows That Her Automobile Accident Days Are Over
Lindsay says that she never, ever wants to go back to prison again.

HOLLYWOOD HILLS - Lindsay Lohan has said that the three months she spent in rehab did wonders for her. She told her mom that she now sees that she was headed on the road to ruin and she has decided to act her age instead of her shoe size as they say in Vermont.

Lohan vowed that her automobile accident days are over and she has learned that she is one of the luckiest young women in America because she not only got a second and third chance she also got a ninth and tenth chance.

Lindsay said that the thought of going back to prison gave her freckled arms goose bumps. She said that she does not care to return to The Zsa Zsa Gabor Prison For Women and become some big old tattooed mama's cute little girlfriend.

The 27-year-old actress stated that she has even turned down two movie roles because they called for her to play an alcoholic in one and a Republican in another.

SIDENOTE: Lindsay proudly said that she received a nice text message from Vice-President Joe Biden congratulating her on completing her three month rehab stay and he added that he hopes she never again has to wear another one of those hideous-looking ankle bracelet monitoring devices.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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