Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Wednesday, 28 August 2013

image for Dolly Parton Says Nicki Minaj Needs To Throw All Of Her Makeup In The Trash Can
Dolly says that at 67, she still turns the heads of males from 21 to 91.

WATERLOO, Iowa - Dolly Parton at 67, showed everyone that she can still bring 'em in as she performed before a sold-out concert at The Crop Rotation Convention Center in Waterloo.

Parton sang all of her big hits from "Appalachian Memories" to "You're The One Who Taught Me How To Swing."

After her fifth encore she went to her luxurious touring bus nicknamed Twin Peaks, where she spoke with Chipper Caruso of Cowbell Notes Music Magazine.

The big-haired singer was asked about her recent bout with athlete's foot. Dolly giggled and said that she was just plum lucky that it did not spread to her jugs (tits).

She then said that she simply dipped both her feet in a solution of diet honey and Ivory Soap and presto her athlete's foot was gone quicker than a woodpecker can peck a pencil all to hell.

Dolly was asked what she thought about some of today's singers such as Lady Gaga, Ke$ha, and Nicki Minaj.

Ms. Parton said that she likes Lady Gaga and Ke$ha. She then made a face and said that she cannot stand the incessant, irritating, whining voice of Nicki Minaj.

Dolly said that it would be best for everyone concerned if Minaj threw away all of her makeup.

She pointed out that Minaj's makeup makes her look like a bad version of a Ringling Brothers Barnum & Bailey Circus clown.

Dolly admitted that she herself wears a lot of makeup but was quick to point out that on her it looks downright beautiful.

SIDENOTE: Dolly told Chipper Caruso that there is no way that Minaj will ever get married because what guy wants to kiss her knowing he will get 3 ounces of ugly makeup on him.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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