Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Saturday, 3 August 2013

image for Simon Cowell AKA The Sultan of Sarcasm To Be A Daddy
Extensive tests conducted on Mrs. Silverman's ovaries clearly showed traces of Simon's DNA.

LOS ANGELES - Simon Cowell has just verified that he will in fact be fathering a child from his best friend's wife.

Cowell told Hollywood Innuendo's Fajita San Guacamole that he feels like he was misled and actually trapped by the baby mama Lauren $ilverman.

He said that Boopsie, as he affectionately calls her, led him to believe that she'd had her fallopian tubes tied back on May 13, 2003, at Brooklyn's Salvatore Goombalini General Hospital.

Cowell has now been named in the divorce proceedings filed by Lauren's husband Andrew Silverman, who owns a Bagel factory in the Bronx.

Mr. Silverman is charging alienation of affections and ipso whoritis de factoli.

According to a reliable, unnamed source Simon's baby-to-be was conceived aboard his yacht The Black T-Shirt.

Miss San Guacamole was able to contact Mrs. Silverman but she could not ask her anything since she was too busy singing the theme song to Donald Trump's Celebrity Apprentice, "For The Love Of Money" by the O'Jays.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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