Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Tuesday, 30 July 2013

image for Lindsay Lohan Wants A Conjugal Visit Bad
Lindsay says that she misses the love and intimacy of another person.

LOS ANGELES - Lindsay Lohan says that she is so bored with her rehab stay that she actually spends a lot of time counting her freckles.

She still needs about another 30 days to go before she is discharged from the rehab clinic.

According to Macadamia Honeysuckle with The LaLaLand Daily LiLo told her mom that once she gets out she is going to go to one of her favorite clubs, x and drink until the cows come home.

Lohan being strictly a city girl certainly has no Earthly idea when the cows come home. Now Reba McEntire, Wynonna Judd, and Carrie Underwood know but Lindsay, no way José as they say in East El Lay.

Lindsay did confess to Miss Honeysuckle that she has really missed not doing the horizontal hokey pokey (mattress mambo).

She did say that she put in a request with the rehab clinic director to be allowed to have a conjugal visit.

SIDENOTE: Lindsay revealed that her first choice is her ex-girlfriend Samantha Ronson, but at this point she is so damn desperate she will settle for Chelsea Handler or even Ann "Trigger" Coulter.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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