Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Saturday, 27 July 2013

image for Joan Rivers: John Mayer Needs To Be Neutered
Joan recently gave her daughter Melissa a rescue dog which she named after John Mayer, "Wiener."

BEVERLY HILLS - Joan Rivers flew from New York City to Beverly Hills to buy a special brand of facial collagen that she can only get on the Left Coast.

Rivers who is 80, recently appeared on The Ellen DeGeneres Show and talked about her different types of facial and body procedures she has had done.

Ellen's mouth fell open when Joan, who is known as the Queen of Mean, told her that last week she was in Chicago where a gynecologist did a hooha tuck.

DeGeneres said she was afraid to ask but remarked that she had to for her curious audience in the studio and at home.

Joan The Moan, as she is also known, said that the procedure took 57 minutes and it involved having her biscuit put back in the spot where it was originally.

She said that it involved lifting, shoving, tucking, and stitching.

Ellen turned as pink as the Pink Panther and had to go to a commercial.

When they returned DeGeneres changed the subject. She asked Joan what she thought about the fact that Katy Perry keeps going back to that heartbreaker John Mayer.

Joan said, "John Mayer" and she pretended to spit. She then admitted that she cannot stand the walking wiener and said that she is tired of seeing her friend Katy getting mistreated by the Count Dracula-looking, conceited Casanova.

Rivers then said that John Mayer needs to get neutered.

Ellen laughed and asked, "Well it's a good point but then you may get the PETA people on your back."

In Late Breaking News From Buckingham Palace. Queen Elizabeth told London's Ta Ta For Now News Agency that her and Prince Philip have just purchased for baby Prince George Alexander Louis an imported diamond studded baby crib from South Africa that cost £49,000 [$75,400 US].

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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