Now that big Kate Windsor has finally dropped her sprog, speculations abound with the inevitable question constantly being asked. Who is the father? Where was horny Harry lurking at the time of conception? Was Windsor using a surrogate and adding larger cushions under her jumper as time progressed, in order to fool her adoring fans?
We hear that a certain unnamed young woman was admitted to the same hospital and roomed next to Windsor, and that she gave birth at the same time as Windsor, so one certainly does wonder. The extraordinary secrecy surrounding this latest royal birth is being played down as just normal security procedure. Really?
Apparently, droopy Willie only recently found out that his thing had other uses rather than only for pissing over high walls. A neat little trick he learned from his mates at boarding school and still practices diligently whenever the opportunity arises.
We also hear tales about an over zealous doctor(which may or may not be true) performing Willie's circumcision. Some say, the doctor took off more than he should and sewing it back on was not an option, after he dropped it on the floor to be gobbled up by half starved Corgi. Some say, the doctor was rather hungry and mistook it for part of his packed lunch, but we never know the truth about the whole sad incident.
Ladrokes dismissed the surrogate theory as scurrilous crap and were offering forty to one odds on artificial insemination, but only three to one on the cloning theory and evens on a miscarraiage. however, they refused to speculate and offer odds on the brat having Royal Porhyria. Some say the managing director is in line for a kinghthood for services to the betting industry and didn't wish to muddy the waters too much, so keeping the betting spculation low key, before he moves to a top job in the banking industry.
Some say, who would want a bloody knighthood, considering some of the creatures of dubious quality that have recently been elevated. Especially that irritating little prick that spends most of his time digging up the countryside and knocking back pints with his muddy unwashed associates. So what next, Sir Jeremy Clarkson for his services to the motoring industry. Sorry about that sick joke, just couldn't resist it.
Here's a little teaser to finish off with. If the shadow chancellor, affectionately known by his fellow party members as Red Bollocky Ed, is against the use of all performance enhancing drugs, including steroids, why has he nanmed his daughter Anna? Clue is in the nickname, eleven letters.