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Topics: Religion

Monday, 13 May 2013

image for Cruz leaves one church for another
Cruz changes church

Little known bit-part actor Tom Cruz, it was learned today, has given up Scientology, and has spent two weeks in Salt Lake City in prayer and meditation, and is going on a two year mission, for the Mormon Church in Detroit, Michigan. His partner in Detroit will be Harvey Peterson from Klamath Falls, Oregon.

Cruz, in a press release, actually hand written by a calligrapher and done on sheepskin and rolled into a scroll, and flown to the TV station on his private jet, stated that as he read the Book of Mormon, realized that Scientology and L. Ron Hubbard, who founded the organization, could, possibly be a cult. He stated he read Hubbard's book on Dianetics, and realized that his "engrams" were all still there, and he was getting rid of none of them. "I got engrams like you wouldn't believe," Cruz stated.

Cruz and Peterson will live on Detroit's South side in a nearly abandoned project that has been the scene of much prostitution, drug activity and presently ruled by the gang called "Death to Mormons." After their two month training program in Provo, Utan, and after much meditation and prayer at the Temple, they will start on their mission of spreading the truth to those they contact in the projects.

One exception to normal mission procedure will be the use of an armored vehicle, much like those used by SWAT teams around the country. It will be manned by a three man crew, including a driver, all of whom are Mormons who have volunteered for this two year assignment.

Cruz has donated much of his wealth to the church. He indicated that he is anxious to get started on his new life, and that any future movies would revolve around family values, and would feature whoever he might be married to at the time, and whatever children he happened to have custody of at the time of the filming. "It's all about family," he stated.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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