Disney-ABC to take over Washington DC

Hard on the heels of their controversial "docudrama", which has almost universally been seen as inaccurately portraying the Clinton administration's response to acts of terrorism perpetrated by al Qaeda, Disney is attempting to redress the balance between reality and fantasy.
To achieve that goal, Washington DC will be purchased in its entirety by Disney, and converted to become "Disneyland East".
"We think that this will provide a valuable service to the nation as a whole," claimed Disney President Robert Iger. "With so many Americans currently expressing their dissatisfaction with Congress and the Administration, we believe that Mickey Mouse is significantly more popular than 95% of elected politicians."
Disney is still finalizing full details of the attractions at the new DC theme park, but according to unidentified sources within Disney, a "must-see" will be the "Pirates of the Potomac", based on the activities of recently-convicted lobbyist Jack Abramoff. Also rumored to come into operation will be "Goofy meets Katrina" where visitors to the former FEMA headquarters will be able to experience for themselves a flooded city with (simulated) cadavers bobbing past them as Federal workers undergo "sensitivity training".
Further planned attractions are expected to be "Stay The Course", a roller coaster that is expected to be "one of the most terrifying yet constructed". Visitors will be strapped into cars, simulating under-armored Humvees, and take a nerve-shattering ride through a simulated Middle Eastern urban landscape, where simulated explosive devices go off at frequent intervals and animatronic snipers fire AK-47s at the customers. Disney is believed to be hiring a number of Iraqi explosive experts to assist with the realism of this ride.
Iger also points out that the Disney world will create honest and gainful employment for many DC residents who currently are engaged in a criminal lifestyle. He explained that "As we look at Congress and at the members of the Administration, we cannot help but be saddened by the fact that these men and women, many of whom enjoyed a privileged background, and were at one time seen as leaders of the community, are now engaged in grand and petty larceny, perjury, and other anti-social behavior. We expect that they will be able to reform their ways, once they have been taken on and trained as Disney sanitation attendants and hospitality workers. Some may be incapable of even this, though, and we may have to have them permanently installed as exhibits in our new haunted house attraction, 'Dick and Don's Abu Ghraib Experience'. In any case, we welcome our future employees, and we hope that you will all visit this new dimension in the Disney experience."