Written by E. Lee Zimmerman
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Tuesday, 12 February 2013

HOLLYWOOD, CA - Convinced he is the savior of all things goods and holy, Joss Whedon celebrating wrapping principal photography with a web announcement that set his fandom aflutter: beginning next Monday, he'll be overseeing production of bottling his urine for sale to the highest bidders via Ebay's growing internet marketplace.

"I've decided that it's time I started giving back to the fans," Whedon stated via his electronic announcement. "For those of you who stood by me faithfully for so long despite my various shortcomings up to and including the screenplay for TITAN A.E. - a film that single-handedly destroyed an entire animation studio - it's time that I start to reap the rewards for being who I am, namely Joss Whedon."

His new venture, tentatively titled "Whedon Springs," will feature personalized urine, taken directly from Joss's bladder while enjoying down town and bathroom visits during the production of the highly-touted sequel to last summer's blockbuster film, THE AVENGERS.

"For too long, I've been mired in obscurity, bringing elegance and excellence to the small screen in such culturally phenomenal shows as 'Buffy, The Vampire Slayer,' 'Angel,' and 'Firefly,'" he stated. "Now that I've made the big leagues, I need to be awarded the kind of singular financial distinction I deserve. Selling piss is only the beginning, as my wife and I are currently considering how to market any and all of my bodily fluids and solids to consumers."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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