Written by plinth course
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this

Tuesday, 15 August 2006

Hollywood - The ever-news-worthy Mel Gibson announced today by way of his manager, Guy Bouyette of the PR firm MakeItHappen, that he has had second thoughts about the recantation of his now-famous remarks.

Bouyette would not fully explain the underpinnings for rejecting an epiphany, and stopped short of saying it was a ‘sober' judgment, though he did admit that Gibson insisted Bouyette ‘do his job' and recant his recantation. Bouyette wouldn't go so far as to say he was forced, but he did look a little roughed up, perhaps disoriented, at the press conference.

According to Bouyette, Gibson did NOT experience an epiphany, but simply had "bad intestinal gas," causing him to blurt out things he doesn't mean. "The whole epiphany thing, leaked by two insiders (since fled), was simply a symptom he experiences from time to time."

"Gas Blurt Disorder," Bouyette explained, "is similar to Tourette's Syndrome. GBD is a little-known disorder characterized by the sudden blurting out of unconscious or semiconscious (Gibson's case) material when the sufferer has severe GI distress. It was the press that called it an ‘epiphany' but that was a simple misunderstanding. ‘Epigastric' is what Gibson said, not ‘Epiphany,' as those two so-called friends had leaked to a reporter."

Bouyette further explained his blurting disorder(hinting entre nous): "Once, he shouted ‘fucking bitch' at a hotel housekeeper when she tapped on his door to inquire if he wanted his bed changed. He had severe diarrhea, and a horrible headache. ‘Bird flu,' Mel screamed at me through the door - no epithets! Of course, the diarrhea, vomiting, body aches and headache were all just due to a regular virus, his doctor assured us." Bouyette then flatly denied these are the symptoms of a hangover.

Bouyette was exceedingly evasive about the validity of GBD. "I'm no doctor, never claimed to be, and neither MakeItHappen nor I are making claims here. I, we, simply relay to you what Mr. Gibson would like the world to know. I'm sure everyone can relate - there are times when an inconvenient fart will trigger expressions we don't mean."

As a final word, Bouyette denied reports (with pictures) that Gibson's disorder is ramping up to a new level. "Women need not fear that his GBD will break out in full-blown violence."

That said, the press assemblage decided as a group to cut a wide swath around him in the future, especially the females, when they hear Gibson burping.

Make plinth course's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this


Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 4 multiplied by 1?

3 23 4 9

Go to top