Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Monday, 29 October 2012

image for Rob Pattinson Seen Cavorting With Ke$ha
Ke$ha and Adam Lambert use more glitter on their faces than anyone else in Tinsel Town. (Photo by Metta World Peace).

SANTA MONICA - The reports about Rob Pattinson, 26, and ex-girlfriend Kristen Stewart, 22, getting back together again have been greatly exaggerated.

A close friend of Pattinson's stated to iRumors that the stories of the two making up and starting up their relationship again were all done with smoke and mirrors.

The close friend who is believed to be Rob's high school friend Dante "Shot Glass" Dexterwillow remarked that RPattz was paid a tremendous, undisclosed amount of money to pretend that he and K-Stew are back together by the producers of The Twilight Saga series.

Vodka Vermicelli with iRumors pointed out that movie studio executives felt that if the two main stars of the The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn: Part 2, did not participate in the promotion of the vampire film that it would lose tens of millions of dollars at the box office.

At first Pattinson said that there was no way that he could pretend to be with Stewart and act like everything was hunky dory as they say in Hackensack, New Jersey.

Kristen is reported to have remarked that she would walk barefoot on hot coals if Robby would take her back.

Dexterwillow let it slip that he knows that Rob will never get back with Kris because he hates the fact that she never smiles and when she does she looks like an anorexic vampire.

According to Miss Vermicelli, Pattinson was recently spotted at The Groucho Marx Museum in Monrovia openly cavorting with the Hollywood glitter singer Ke$ha.

Ke$ha noted that her and Rob have several things in common including their love for okra and jelly sandwiches, their fondness for R-rated Sarah Palin jokes, and their enjoyment of sexting.

When Rob was asked if Ke$ha is in fact his new girlfriend he simply smiled. Ke$ha grinned and nodded her head in the affirmative.

SIDENOTE: Kristen is reported to be so heartbroken that Rob is seeing Ke$ha that she is seriously thinking of moving to Australia and raising koalas.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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