Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Monday, 8 October 2012

image for Kate Gosselin Says No To Getting Back With Russell Brand
Brand shown texting Kate begging her to please take him back.

READING, Pennsylvania - It has been nearly two months since Kate Gosselin ended her relationship with Russell "Sniffles" Brand.

And the former star of two reality shows Jon and Kate Plus 8 and Kate Plus 8, recently stated that although she admits that she greatly misses Rusty, she will not be getting back together with him no matter how many text messages, emails, tweets, phone calls, or Vermont Teddy Bears he gives her.

Kiowa Kettle with Tittle Tattle Tonight stated that Kate and Russell, who are both 37, had an extremely great, intimate relationship going until Kate found out that Brand had been caught in a car underneath the Hollywood Sign with the highly tattooed Kat Von D.

An eyewitness disclosed that the two were engaged in a serious bout of tongue wrestling.

At first Russell denied it, but when photos appeared in the supermarket tabloid Say What? he really had no choice but to admit it.

Kate reportedly exploded saying that Brandy, as she affectionately called Russell, could have at least picked a woman who did not look like the poster girl for Tattoos 'R' Us Illustrated Weekly.

Brand recently confided to The View's Whoopi Goldberg that he loves Kate because she gives him stability, confidence, and the deepest French kisses he has ever experienced.

SIDENOTE: The Tinsel Town Times Tribune is reporting that Brand is so desperate to get back with Kate that he has told her that if she takes him back he will give her eight kids $4,000 in cash each.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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