Written by Simon Saunders
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Tuesday, 25 September 2012

image for Cindy Crawford And Mole To Separate
The mole was right. Crawford does look a bit rough without him

Forgotten 90's pin up and Richard Gere's former squeeze Cindy Crawford has confirmed that she is splitting with her mole of forty-six years.

It's not the first high profile split for Crawford. She and Gere, who's middle name is Tiffany, got divorced in 1995 after it emerged that he preferred gerbils to moles.

The confirmation follows an interview the mole gave to Holy Moley! magazine in which the mole claimed Crawford has been having an affair with Enrique Iglesias' ex-mole.

In the interview, the mole claims that Crawford regularly verbally abused him and generally made his life hell.

"She kept telling me I was irrelevant and was holding her back. I told her that she wouldn't have had the career she's had without me. I was her signature piece. She told me I was just a mole. I'm more than just a mole, I'm a beauty spot. Without me she looks rougher than Joan Rivers on a bad day," moaned the mole.

He continued, "In the last few months she started leaving me at home when she was going out. I found that very suspicious, especially seeing as we'd never been separated in forty-six years. I hired a private detective and within a couple of days he confirmed my worst fears. Cindy was seeing another mole behind my back. Worse than that, it was Enrique Iglesias' cast off. Well, Cindy better be careful. Iglesias's ex is just a mole, not a beauty spot like me."

Crawford, who claims to still be in her 20's, released a statement through her publicist earlier today. It read, " Miss Crawford can confirm that she and the mole are now separated. She would also like to confirm that she is seeing another mole. Miss Crawford would appreciate it if the media would let her have some privacy at this difficult time. Thank you."

We attempted to speak to Miss Crawford but her brother Michael answered the phone and told us, "Bugger off, you cretinous moron. Leave the poor girl alone. Don't you think she's been through enough?"

Frankly, we couldn't care less. Why would we? We're just a tabloid rag.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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