Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Tuesday, 25 September 2012

image for Dancing With The Stars Kicks Off Season #15
Out of the 13 celebrity dancers, Pamela Anderson received the lowest score with a 17. (Photo by Todd Palin).

HOLLYWOOD - Thirteen couples are competing for the coveted Mirror Ball Trophy on this season's edition of Dancing With The Stars: The All-Stars.

Ling Chow Rangoon is covering the celebrity contestants and the professional instructors for iRumors. She managed to congratulate the shows host Tom Bergeron for the Emmy Award he received for Outstanding Host.

The iRumors reporter stated that out of the 13 celebrity dancers, six have been past champions including former Dallas Cowboy running back Emmitt Smith, Olympians Apolo Anton Ohno and Shawn Johnson, and Indy 500 champion Helio Castroneves.

Rangoon noted that also a member of this year's dancing troop is Sarah "Snowflake" Palin's 21-year-old daughter Bristol "The Pistol," who British judge Len "The Grouchy Grouch" Goodman described as being about as graceful as an erupting volcano.

Bruno "The Gaytalian" Tonioli stated that The Pistol looks nice but the bullet chamber is completely empty. He emphasized that at times she appears as out of place on the dance floor as a triple scoop ice cream cone in the middle of the Kalahari Desert.

And "The Filipino Flash" Carrie Ann Inaba remarked that Bristy not only has two left feet, she also has two left legs, and the dancing style of an elderly Himalayan yak.

Pamela Anderson, 45, who scored the lowest score of the night (17 out of a possible 30), appeared to be lost and had that 'I think I may need to get into rehab quick' look in her eyes.

Anderson still has a great looking body, but at times her facial expression looked like that of a confused Gary "The Space Cadet" Busey.

And 61-year-old Kirstie "Big Mama" Alley, who lost 100 pounds the last time she appeared on DWTS, clearly showed that she gained every bit of that weight back plus two or seven more pounds.

Her partner Maksim "The Mad Russian" Chmerkovskiy seemed to spend more time trying to keep from getting stepped on by The Human Blimp than he did actually dancing.

Emmitt Smith and Cheryl Burke had the night's highest score with a 24.5. Kirstie and Maks had a score of 19 to finish in 12th place and Bristol and Mark "The Lark" Ballas ended up with a score of 19.5 to finish in 11th place.

SIDENOTE: Ling Chow Rangoon said that she fed about 17 pages of information into the Pineapple 7000 Computer and it ascertained that out of the 13 celebrities Pamela Anderson has a 97.3 percent chance of being the first star to be eliminated.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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