Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Thursday, 20 September 2012

image for Russell Brand and Lindsay Lohan To Star In "Sell By Date"
Lindsay Lohan shown during her audition for the movie "Sell By Date." (Photo by Sheboygan Saddlewood).

LOS ANGELES - A spokesperson for Russell "Sniffles" Brand has just told the Hollywood entertainment media that he will be appearing in Sheboygan Saddlewood's epic motion picture Sell By Date.

The spokesperson identified as Colton B. Billingee said that co-starring with Brand will be Lindsay "Lucky LiLo" Lohan, who has been trying to keep a low profile after several car accidents, drinking binges, jewelry store incidents, and two same sex semi-nude seashore midnight romps.

Saddlewood said that he is looking forward to working with two of Hollywood's most troubled individuals. He said that it will certainly be the friggin challenge of his movie making career.

He did note that due to the tremendous stress that he expects he will get having to work with Brand and Lohan, he asked Pipe Dream Films to up his director's salary from $1.2 million to $1.7 million and they readily agreed.

The motion picture deals with the exploits of Clover Weinheimer and his wife Birdie Weinheimer two automobile insurance salesperson's from San Juan Capistrano, California who are caught embezzling $2.9 million.

The two are arrested but jump bail and move to Ottumwa, Iowa, where they take some of the embezzled money and buy a diary farm. They go into the milk business and hence the name of the movie Sell By Date.

Without giving away too much of the movie's plot, Birdie soon becomes pregnant with quintuplets and Clover has to take a second job.

He buys a manicure/pedicure shop named The Feets & Hands Salon, that the owners a Vietnamese couple Hung Sinh Chet, 74, and Kim Chi Chet, 71, are selling because they want to return back to Viet Nam to care for their elderly parents.

The babies are soon born but instead of five babies, Mrs. Weinheimer gives birth to seven babies, it was learned that two little bitty ones were hiding behind the two biggest ones.

The Weinheimers are both arrested in Mrs. Weinheimer's hospital room and the babies are placed in the custody of a woman who looks a lot like Madonna.

SIDENOTE: This could be a sad story...but the Weinheimer's hire the legal services of famed California attorneys Gloria and Ginger Allred and they are able to find a pretty damn good loophole and both Clover and Birdie end up being released and reunited with their seven little babies.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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