Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Wednesday, 22 August 2012

image for Kristen Stewart Is So Despondent She May Move To Arizona
Kristen says that since Rob dumped her she has not put on any lipstick.

LOS ANGELES - According to a highly reliable, unnamed, inside source, Kristen Stewart, 22, is saying that she has never been as depressed as she is at the present time.

She told the unnamed source that the last time she felt this bad was when she was getting ready to attend her high school prom and she noticed that a pimple had formed on her forehead right above her left eyebrow.

The Twilight series star confessed that she almost called up her date, Arlington Grimfinky, and told him that she would not be going to the prom with him because of the boo-boo, as she called it.

K-Stew has repeated over and over how much she regrets having gotten involved with her Snow White And The Huntsman accent coach Rayburn Fandersketti, 41.

She has asked several people to please express to Rob (Pattinson) how sorry she is at having become intimately involved with a man who is old enough to be her father.

Stewart even expressed to Bijou Silhouette with Left Coast Mirror Magazine that she is so despondent that she is seriously considering moving to Arizona since hardly anyone visits there anymore since President Obama issued his "Do Not Visit Arizona Decree."

K-Stew was so desperate that she even texted the nation's "First Mama" Michelle Obama and asked her to tell Robby to please accept her apologies.

She asked that she let him know that she said that she will never, ever, again be unfaithful to him, even with someone like Zac Efron, Enrique Iglesias, Ashton Kutcher, or even the richest man in the world Carlos Slim of Mexico.

Mrs. Obama texted her back and respectfully declined to get involved saying that it is a personal matter and besides she and her daughters Malia and Sasha are big Rob Pattinson fans.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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