Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Thursday, 2 August 2012

image for Kelly Clarkson and Toby Keith Both Turn Down American Idol
Toby Keith performing at a concert at Milwaukee's Beer Suds Stadium.

LOS ANGELES - Mariah Carey has recently signed a $17 million contract to take Jennifer Lopez's judge's place on American Idol.

Word out of Tinsel Town is that the very first American Idol winner Kelly Clarkson was offered to be an AI judge as well but she turned it down.

Clarkson told Bedroom Pillow Talk's Carolina Chipotle that she would probably take the job but only if Randy "The Dawg" Jackson leaves.

When asked why she had made that statement, the Texas-native said that she does not want to have to sit next to Jackson and hear him use his worn-out clich├ęs "Yo, yo, yo, dawg, that was just alright" and "Wow dude, that was pitchy and it was all over the place."

Meanwhile country singer Toby Keith remarked that Ryan Seacrest personally called him up last week after he had just finished performing at The Beer Suds Stadium in Milwaukee.

Keith, whose latest hit single "Red Solo Cup" was just named the number one song in Moscow, Russia, confessed that the producers of American Idol really don't want his redneck, honky butt on the show because he is not afraid to tell everybody how the cow ate the cabbage no matter the person's age, gender, or sexual preference.

Simon Shindlebocker, producer of American Idol thanked both Clarkson and Keith and said that he will keep on trying to find a replacement for Steven "Lips" Tyler and most probably for Randy "The Dawg" Jackson.

In News From Mexico. The Republic of Mexico will be hosting a national telethon in order to raise money to pay for a wall that will be built between Mexico and Guatemala to keep the illegal Central American aliens out.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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