Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Friday, 20 July 2012

image for Johnny Depp Devastated As Amber Heard Dumps Him
Johnny Depp in a scene from a recent Buccaneer Deodorant commercial. (Photo courtesy of Amber Heard).

NEW YORK CITY - It appears that Johnny Depp sure got sucker punched by his brand new girlfriend Amber Heard as Mr. D got D'd for dumped.

Fajita San Guacamole with Hollywood Innuendo noted that the relationship had barely gotten off the ground and in fact it still had that brand new car smell to it.

Depp who had dumped his partner of 14 years Vanessa Paradis to get together with Amber certainly found out first hand that the old adage, what goes around comes around is alive and well.

When Amber was asked why she had dumped Depp she just rolled her eyes and replied that she did it for two reasons. One, she hates being in the public limelight, and two, she did not want to be known as a 'home wrecker.'

She told Miss San Guacamole that just about every entertainment tabloid and entertainment news show painted her as the evil witch who stole the handsome prince from sweet little Ms. Paradis.

The supermarket tabloid Just Saying even went as far as to refer to her as the 2012 version of the hateful, husband-snatching Angelina Jolie who stole Brad Pitt away from America's sweetheart Jennifer Aniston back in 2005.

Heard remarked that she feels as if the entire weight of Kirstie Alley has been lifted off her shoulders. She then winked and told Fajita that she will most probably go back to one of her ex-girlfriends, either Francesca Gregorini or Tasya Van Ree.

Meanwhile Johnny could not be reached for a comment as he was reportedly down in Ensenada, Mexico, embarrassed, devastated, and hiding from the reporters and paparazzi.

SIDENOTE: Vanessa Paradis was asked if she would take Johnny back. She shook her head and yelled out, "The friggin' Pacific Ocean will dry up before I take that back stabbing, weasel back."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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