Written by Abel Rodriguez
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this

Friday, 27 April 2012

image for The Upcoming Nasty Divorce: Heidi Klum Is Worth $70 Million - Seal Says "$70 Million Divided By Two Is $35 Million"
Seal has revealed that his pet nickname for Heidi was Rose which was taken from his song "Kiss From A Rose."

LOS ANGELES - It appears that Seal's claws have finally come out and his soon-to-be-ex-wife Heidi Klum is doing some fancy backpedaling to keep from getting scratched financially speaking.

The divorce between the black singer and the white super model, who had what sports mouthpiece Charles Barkley once described as a very nice "Salt and Pepper" marriage, has all of the ear marks of getting downright nasty and ugly as they say down in the deltas of Mississippi.

London native Seal, 49, is best known for his hit song "Kiss From A Rose." He has hired famed attorney Ginger Allred to represent him in his divorce against the West German-born producer of the TV show Project Runway.

The astonishingly attractive Klum, 38, filed for divorce on grounds of Nolo Agreeante En Toto, which translated from Portuguese simply means that the married couple basically no longer agrees on pretty much nothing at all.

The 5-foot-9-inch tall super model is being represented by Kirkland Kickbush, III, of the Redondo Beach law firm of Castfurst, Mickamush, & Kickbush.

Ms. Klum has stated publicly that Seal had initially promised her (hmmmmm) that he would just walk away with 'his money' which is estimated to be around $15.1 million.

But now that he has had time to think about it and now that Heidi has remarked to a reporter for iRumors that she has a crush on Two and A Half Men star Ashton Kutcher, Seal has changed his tune (no pun intended).

He has expressed that he now wants to invoke California's community property clause and is demanding to receive half of Klum's monetary assets which amount to $70 million.

He also wants their $13.4 million Brentwood mansion and their $3.7 million Ensenada hacienda Casa La Rosa in Baja California, Mexico sold and the money equally divided.

Seal's attorney made it abundantly clear that his client is asking for full custody of two of the couples four kids, Enrique 6, and Johnny 5, and that Heidi can have full custody of the other two kids Helena 7, and Louella 2.

In the divorce papers Seal is listed under his real name which is Seal Henry Olusegun Olumide Bromide Adeola Samuel.

SIDENOTE: Ms. Klum has since insisted that her remark about having a crush on Ashton Kutcher was just a silly joke and that she is not even remotely thinking about dating anyone including Tiger Woods, Jesse James, Kobe Bryant, or Simon Cowell.

Make Abel Rodriguez's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this


Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 4 multiplied by 1?

9 4 21 24

Go to top