Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Thursday, 12 April 2012

image for Canadian Woman Arrested For Stalking Alec Baldwin
Genevieve "The Pest" Sabourin shown visiting Lake Winnipeg last year. (Photo by Rosie O'Donnell).

NEW YORK CITY - A Canadian woman identified as Genevieve Sabourin has been arrested for allegedly stalking 30 Rock actor Alec Baldwin.

According to Tilapia Frisbee with The Right Coast Illustrated Revue, the 40-year-old woman from Montreal was arrested by New York City detectives and charged with aggravated stalking, felonious harassment, Internet terrorism, Facebook perversion, and terroristic tweeting.

NYPD Detective Bruno "Da Man" Tillapoosa stated that the Canadian stalker does not realize it but she could also be facing some very serious criminal charges including slander, defamation of character, and first degree ipso facto verbalizing libel.

Detective Tillapoosa added that if the highly unstable Ms. Sabourin does not stop her evil ways she could end up finding herself sitting in a prison jail cell for a very, very long time.

A spokesperson for Baldwin identified as Shanleen Feisterhouse, 53, stated to Miss Frisbee that Ms. Sabourin, who he refers to as the "Canadian Cyber Creep," is one extremely delusional dip stick.

He noted that Sabourin or "The Pest" as Baldwin calls her sent him a text message saying that she wants to have at least six of his babies.

Sabourin has also sent Baldwin several photos of herself including one in which she is wearing the ugliest-looking brown baggy shorts which she sewed from feathers of Canadian Mallard Ducks and a chartreuse T-shirt which reads: I Love Alec Baldwin Much More Than I Love The Mounties.

Baldwin has retained the legal services of Ginger Allred, cousin of the famed California attorney Gloria Allred.

Miss Allred has stated that by the time they get through with the "Canadian Cyber Creep" she will be wishing that she had been born a man.

Miss Allred has stated on record that even though there is no doubt in any one's mind that Sabourin is extremely demented she hopes that she is placed in a womens prison and not in a mental institution so that she can find out exactly just how tough she isn't.

Allred went on to say that the government of Canada does not want Genevieve Sabourin to be returned to their country.

A spokesperson for the Canadian government Pierre "Snowballs" Baton Bleu said that they have been trying for years to get rid of the hate-filled, bitter, evil, demonic scourge and they are afraid that if she is incarcerated in a Canadian prison that the "Whack Job" will probably only end up digging herself out with her pit bull teeth.

April 17, is National Toothpick Day, except in Connecticut where toothpicks were banned in September of 1998, due to the infamous Connecticut Counterfeit Toothpick Scandal.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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