Hollywood - Though it has been nearly 35 years since his discovery of the fact Princess Leia was his twin sister, Luke has yet to totally come to grips with the reality of the situation. Today a balding man with a beer belly, Luke opened up and spilled his guts to the Spoof.
"She kissed me full on the mouth in Star Wars IV," sulked Luke, "What the hell happened? I don't care if she was my damned sister, I was going to get her pregnant! It's that darn Han Solo! He got in her head in Star Wars V, it was downhill from there. Its' then that damned sorry excuse for a Father figure cut my hand off....god did his breath stink, that was what got me, his light saber play was piss poor, it was his breath that almost knocked me over with distraction. No wonder he wore that helmet, but phew!!!! How could she possibly be my sister!!!"
Luke still wears the same white garb of his Jedi past. He stands and picks up his old light saber, "Don't worry, I took the batteries out after I accidently cut off my rottweilers nose. I'm no longer a practicing Jedi."
The saber bursts to life and the light shoots out and through the cage of his parrot. Loud squawking and colorful feathers fly everywhere tinged with blood.
"Polly!!" shouts Luke, he drops the saber and it rolls cutting the legs off of a glass topped table,which crashes to the floor..."I think you'd better leave now," says Luke on his knees looking for remains of his beloved bird.
We of course complied with Luke's request and scarcely had time to pick up the light saber and drop it into a camera bag on the way out. Luke has sworn himself to a life of celibacy and may soon becomee a Catholic priest.