Written by Steve Shaw
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Topics: Disney, California

Thursday, 6 November 2003

image for Disney to Open 'California Disaster' Theme Park
"It's time to cash in on tragedy," says Eisner

LOS ANGELES-Michael Eisner unveiled his plans today to remodel the failing ‘California Adventure' theme park into one which he feels more fitting and will draw a wider, more appreciative audience.

"Let's face it," he said, "California really is plagued, and it's about time Disney capitalized on it." He then went into detail about new attractions which would be initially featured upon the opening of the park.

WILDFIRE MICKEY 3D-Here, tourists get to unsuccessfully fight a raging inferno in 3D with Mickey Mouse. Show comes to a hilarious conclusion when thousands of homes, millions of acres of natural beauty and Donald Duck are destroyed by the blaze.

GOOFY'S BALANCE BUDGETER-A roller coaster of mammoth proportions, this ride initially takes visitors through a visit with Goofy as he attempts to manage the California budget. However, things get a little wacky when Goofy overspends and the ride makes a near vertical plunge until the announcement comes that Goofy has been recalled.

PLUTO'S EARTHQUAKE ADVENTURE SHOW-Watch as Pluto wanders through downtown Los Angeles when an 8.0 level earthquake strikes! Visitors watch as actors are humorously crushed by falling highways and the street opens up to swallow many victims.

DONALD DUCK'S LAKERS RIOT-Uh oh! The Lakers have just won and the fans are rioting again! Watch as Donald takes part in looting, setting police cruisers on fire, and spitting at the National Guard.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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