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Saturday, 31 March 2012

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Al Gore's Current TV announced today it is ending its relationship with irascible and controversial personality Keith Olbermann. Olbermann, who has been fired from virtually every TV position he has ever held (including his stint at the very liberal MSNBC), promises legal retribution for his unfair treatment by Gore and network executives.

Current TV says Olbermann failed to honor the network's values of respect, openness, collegiality, and loyalty to its viewers. To prove Gore's allegiance to a higher standard, the network announced that they will replace Olbermann, a disrespectful, hate-spewing, loud-mouthed liar, with former Governor Elliot (The John) Spitzer of New York, a disgraced, but properly restrained and respectful liar.

Olbermann has long been a hero to hate-mongering leftists who refuse to acknowledge that evil exists in any form except in those who represent any form of traditional, conservative, Judeo-Christian ethic. To listen to KO's routine diatribe, one would think that George W. Bush, Sarah Palin, and Dick Cheney all walk on cloven hooves and have scaly red skin and a bifurcated tail.

Michael Moore left for his private island retreat today after receiving the news. The idea that two of his ideological heroes (Gore and Olbermann) are at such odds has reportedly left him in an extremely depressed and confused funk. "I'm beginning to question everything I believe" he told a confidant. Fellow propagandist Jeanine Garafolo says she is certain that somehow, George Bush (43) has to be responsible for the break-up of the dynamic duo.

President Obama called Olbermann today and offered this personal condolence: "Keith, I am so sorry for your loss, and I promise you I will do everything I can to restore you to a prominent media position at one of my mainstream networks. We need you to continue to tell the unvarnished truth about my adversaries. You are the Paul Revere of our day and your message must not be silenced by conservative conspirators".

When asked for a comment on the brouhaha, Republican Candidate-for-President Newt Gingrich said "Gore's failed relationship with Olbermann just proves he is no better at managing his own money than he would be at spending yours and mine. Thank God we dodged that bullet in 2000."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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