Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Thursday, 22 March 2012

image for Jessica Simpson Says After She Has Her Baby Her Goal Is To Get Back In Shape And Become The Sex Symbol She Once Was
A photo of Jessica Simpson that was taken when she was ten days pregnant. (Photo by Michelle Obama).

HOLLYWOOD HILLS - It appears that Jessica Simpson has now been pregnant for eleven months or so it seems. If she does not have her baby pretty soon, it is going to be born already talking and walking.

Simpson's personal physician Dr. Charleston "Whoa" Drumcurtain stated that Jessica has some of the strongest inner stomach muscles of anyone of his pregnant patients.

He pointed out that as a result she is one of only two women he has ever seen in 31 years of delivering babies who could actually go a full 12 months before going into labor.

The doctor was asked by a reporter for Bedroom Pillow Talk if perhaps he could induce labor on Ms. Simpson.

Dr. Drumcurtain shook his head and pointed out that he could very well do that, but that it would be somewhat risky.

He expressed concern that the sudden initial surge towards the birth canal could not only bring forth the baby but it could also cause some other internal organs to pop out as well.

BRT's Gazebo Serengeti asked such as what organs? The doctor who has a good sense of humor replied, "Oh, let me see - the Hammond organ, the Farfisa organ, and the Lowrey organ."

"No but seriously" the doctor replied laughingly "Ms. Simpson is afraid that if she does not have the baby and have it soon she could conceivably get up to around 400 pounds and that could be one heck of a trick to have to lose all that weight after the baby is born.

An ultrasound showed that the baby already has all of its baby teeth, three inches of hair on its head, and well developed feet from kicking every 45 minutes or so.

Jessica said that a couple of days ago as she was in her master bedroom her baby kicked her so hard that it knocked a plate of 12 fish sticks that she had set on her stomach off onto the bed as she watched American Idol on television.

Simpson recently told her hair stylist FuFi Fondue that her goal after the baby is born is to get her body back in shape and to once again become the stunning sex symbol that she once was.

In late breaking sports news. After hearing that Tim Tebow had been traded from the Denver Broncos to the New York Jets, New York quarterback Mark Sanchez reportedly let go with a pack of expletives in Spanish. When Tebow heard about it, he shook his head and stated that he will help Marky stop his bad habit of cussing all the time.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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