Written by Simon Saunders
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Sunday, 11 March 2012

image for Rolling Stones Set To Tour On The Moon
Sir Mick Jagger preparing for the Moon tour.

Pink Floyd released an album called 'The Dark Side of the Moon'. The Waterboys sang about seeing the whole of the moon. Wonky faced convicted sex offender Jonathan King claimed that everyone had gone to the moon and it's widely believed that drumming nutcase Keith Moon was from the Moon. But now the Rolling Stones, with a combined age that makes them older than the Moon and with faces craggier than the lunar surface, have unveiled ambitious plans to tour on the Moon.

Stones frontman, Sir Mick Jagger, strutted and pouted as he told us, "Over the years we've played every venue on Earth so the Moon seemed to be the next sensible option. We considered going to Mars but we'd never get the relevent visa's. Thankfully, the Moon's authorities are more relaxed. We spoke to the newly appointed Moon governor, Newt Gingrich, and despite having one or two reservations he decided it would be a boost for the Moon's economy so he agreed to it."

Continuing his pouting, Sir Mick said, "Keith (referring to Stones guitarist Keith Richards) has always joked that the only thing he's never snorted is Moon dust. Well now he may get the chance!" Laughed Jagger. "Seriously though, don't do drugs kids."

We helpfully suggested that they could re-write their 1965 hit "Get off of my cloud" and call it "Get off of my moon" as a show opener. Jagger dismissed the idea as idiotic.

When asked about the dangers of space travel, Keith Richards suddenly sprung to life, "What dangers? With the amount of drugs I've done over the years not much worries me now. It'll be a piece of piss. The only thing that I am worried about is the possibility of forgetting to pack my bloody moon boots!" Chuckled the the pickled guitarist.

Ronnie Wood claims that they have had difficulties finding a support act for the tour. He said, "We had the idea to tour the Moon a few years ago and we asked Michael Jackson if he fancied it. He was up for it but then he went and snuffed it. It's a shame because he always wanted to walk on the Moon. Then we thought about asking Whitney Houston just so we could make loads of 'Houston we have a problem' jokes. Well thats not going to happen either, for obvious reasons. Recently we asked Bruno Mars, but he doesn't seem too keen for some reason."

Some conspiracy theorists reckon that the proposed Moon tour is all an elaborate plan for the band to catch up with their former guitarist Brian Jones. Jones, who supposedly died on the 3rd of July 1969, has constantly been the subject of outlandish rumours that he fled to the Moon as a secret passenger on the Apollo 11 moon mission which was launched on the 20th of July 1969 less than three weeks after his apparent demise.

It has been alleged that Jones faked his own death and hitched a ride to the Moon to avoid paying a huge tax bill. At the time he was supposed to be paying 98% income tax. Jagger dismissed these rumours as "nonsense".

The bands plans could still be scuppered as we all know that you can't always get what you want. If it does happen though, wild horses couldn't keep us away from watching.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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