Written by Hydrogen Balloon
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Friday, 16 March 2012

image for The Rolling Stones Begin 5,000th Anniversary Tour
The Stones Played Here In 2000 B.C.

London, England-- The Rolling Stones launched their 2012 tour today at Wembley Stadium marking 5000 years as a band. Mick and the other Stones admit to having at least 5000 years, but many historians--and even archaeologists-- believe they are much, much older.

"Time, time, time is on my side, yes it is!" bragged Mick Jagger.

The ancient front-man of the Rolling Stones has a long history. He was known as 'Mek Jeg-Gr' to the ancient Egyptians.

"I was around when Jesus Christ had his moment of doubt and shame!' said Mick as he bragged some more.

Keith Richards is thought to be even older than Mick Jagger. The legendary guitarist's wrinkled face appears on cave paintings at Lascaux. Many archaeologists believe that Keith could be the last living Neanderthal. They would like to do some carbon-14 dating on him, but so far he refuses to let them near him.

Drummer Charlie Watts is the oldest of the Rolling Stones by far. Archaeologists believe he's from the Devonian Era, about 400 million years ago. Scientists aren't really sure what species he is, but everyone agrees he's a great drummer.

Although the Stones may seem to be immortal, Mick Jagger wants to assure people that they are not:

"Time waits for no one, no favours has he..time waits for no one, and he won't wait for me..."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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