Written by Jean Le Fete
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Monday, 5 March 2012

image for Saturday Night Live Cast Reports Missing Items After Lindsay Lohan Guest Host
Lindsay Lohan before the Scared Straight skit, looking very innocent.

New York - Saturday Night Live cast and crew members reported several missing items after allowing Lindsay Lohan to host the show, including the following items:

17 necklaces
1 box of condoms
9 neckties
5 shoes
1 audio control panel from the sound booth, thought to be welded in place.
9 office chairs
1 hair dryer
4 boxes of paperclips
2 vibrators (claimed to be props only)
23 security badges
1 office desk
1 office

Lorne Michaels claims this list is probably incomplete, but he cannot verify anything because his computer is missing, which also was not listed. "Hell...for all I know she might have taken all 12 of the laptops that are missing too."

Michaels claims he would prefer not to press charges and that if Lohan returns the merchandise, all will be foregiven, but Lohan is denying any involvement, "What would I do with 5 shoes? Its an odd number!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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