Written by Bernie F. Carlin
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Topics: Death, Mafia

Wednesday, 8 March 2006

image for Soprano-Corleone Mob Wars Claim More Lives.
The Corleone Family. Left to right: Michael, Vito, Santino, Fredo.

Anthony Soprano Jr., son of alleged Mafia boss Tony Soprano, was found dead last night, outside his family's home. There has been no official word yet on the cause of death, so natural causes cannot be ruled out, but some witnesses reported seeing a great deal of blood at the scene.

If this is indeed a murder, then this would be just one more casualty in the Soprano-Corleone mob wars, which have spread throughout New York and New Jersey, and have made headlines around the country. Although the members of these families have refused to comment, numerous indictments for murder are in the works, including that of Michael Corleone, who is currently at large, and may have left the country. Italian authorities are on the alert, should he attempt to flee to Sicily.

Anonymous sources intimately connected with the mafia say that these killings are part of a long-running feud between the Sopranos and the Corleones, two of the most powerful mafia families in all of fiction.

These sources allege that the Corleone family, dominant for around thirty years with appearances in both film and novels, is upset over the recent rise of the Sopranos, whose primary area of interest is television and DVD sales.

These same sources allege that the conflict began with the death of Santino "Sonny" Corleone, who was purportedly killed over some remarks made about the Sopranos by Corleone family associate and successful singer, Johnny Fontane. Police found Sonny's body at a tollbooth, riddled with machinegun fire. The authorities have announced that Tony Soprano is a suspect in the case.

To date, 7 members of the two families have been murdered, with Anthony Soprano Jr.'s death possibly making 8. It is not known how many associates and employees of these families have been killed, but sources say other fictional crime families have been taking sides.

A recent series of killings between the Italian mob families known as the Montagues and the Capulets have been connected to the Soprano-Corleone conflict, as have the deaths of Gotham city crime boss Carmine Falcone and the mysterious New York crime lord known as "Kingpin".

Some sources allege that the whole thing is being masterminded and exploited by off-planet crime lord Jabba Desilijic Tiure, better known to most as "Jabba the Hutt".

Although many details remain unknown, both the authorities and mafia sources agree that this is the worst fictional gang war in years.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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