Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Thursday, 16 February 2012

image for Kathy Griffin Reveals Why She Turned Down Kobe Bryant's Sexy Overtures
Kathy Griffin, 51, says she is desperately trying to lose the "Red Cougar" image. (Photo by Taylor Lautner).

HOLLYWOOD HILLS - Fifty-one-year-old Kathy Griffin, the star of My Life on The D List, is certainly one female who has been around the block more than her share of times.

The redhead nicknamed the "Red Cougar" recently attended a post Grammy Award party at Derek Hough's Casa Cha Cha Cha. She showed up wearing a Jeremy Lin #17 New York Knicks basketball jersey and a pair of Demi Lovato Designer Shorts.

And according to Ryan "Peaches" Seacrest, who is dating Derek's sister Julianne, Kathy made a beeline for the Margarita machine.

In fact, Julianne noted that Griffin actually pushed the brand new Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue cover girl Katy Upton out of the way.

Katy reportedly asked her date New York Jets quarterback Mark Sanchez who the rude as-the-dickens red-headed old gal was. He replied that he had no idea but thought that it may be Joan Rivers plain Jane daughter Melissa.

Upton reportedly remarked that if the Ronald McDonald looking skank acts like a damn diva again she was going to show her what a beautiful, sexy looking young woman who holds a black belt in karate can do to an arrogant beatch who has the manners of a hormone-imbalanced laughing hyena.

Ryan got Miss Upton off to the side and told her not to worry about Miss Griffin because she is just mad that her biological clock stopped ticking three years ago.

Upton smiled, thanking Ryan, and giving him what Mark Sanchez said was one hell of a French kiss.

Ryan reportedly gave Sanchez and Upton each $35 to please not tell his girlfriend Julianne exactly how much he enjoyed it.

As he left, Mark high-fived Katy and remarked, "Well babe, that makes $195 so far."

Ryan walked over to where Griffin was standing by the Margarita machine. He asked her if he could have a word with her out on the veranda.

Griffin asked him if he was going to kiss her on the veranda.

He smiled and said that other than his honey bunch Julianne, he does not kiss any female on her face, her mouth, and especially not on her veranda.

Seacrest asked Kathy if she cared to comment on the latest rumor mill item which says that she spurned Los Angeles Lakers Kobe Bryant's sexy overtures.

The "Red Cougar" put down her 16-ounce Margarita cup and replied that it was true.

She then pointed out that the reason why she rejected Kobe's explicitly suggestive suggestion was because she is trying desperately to lose the "Cougar" image and getting together with Kobe who is 18 years younger than her for a bit of mattress frolocking goes against her decision.

February 20, is National Muffin Making Day except in Arizona where Governor Jan Brewer banned muffin making in September of 2011.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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