Written by Steve Shaw
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Topics: Pope, Health

Wednesday, 5 November 2003

image for Pope 'A Chump' Says Dalai Lama before Big Fight
Pope: Chump

LOS ANGELES-According to reports from his corner and trainer, the Pope's ailing health will not keep him from the biggest 12-round fight of his career against the Dalai Lama. Earlier reports from the Pope's training camp indicated deteriorating health, causing nervousness among fight promoters and the public alike.

"Johnny's okay now," says the Pope's trainer, Mike Delano, at a press conference. "He came down with a little bit of something, but he wants this fight more than anything in the world, so he's going through with it no matter what."

The Pope and the Dalai Lama are scheduled to fight 12 rounds at the Staples Center in Los Angeles this coming weekend. Up until two weeks ago, both of the fighter's camps had been relatively quiet, but when the Pope became ill and the media was no longer sure of his fighting status, the Dalai Lama lashed out. "He's nothing but a spineless chump," said the Dalai Lama at a press conference concerning the fight. "He knows I'm gonna make orphans of his children."

The Pope in retaliation made a statement, surrounded by his usual posse of Cardinals and Bishops. "When I step into the ring with that robed fool, he's gonna wish he'd never been reincarnated, or whatever garbage he believes in. You hear me, Dalai?" he spoke to the cameras as he flexed. "You're all mine this weekend."

Priests, chanters, monks and the trinity are expected to be seated ringside Friday night.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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