Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Saturday, 11 February 2012

image for Kim Kardashian Swears That She Is Finished With Dating Sports Figures and From Now On She Is Sticking To Hollywood Celebrities
Kim has stated that she will no longer date men who play games involving balls such as basketball, football, and baseball.

WEST HOLLYWOOD - Kim Kardashian recently remarked that after her 72-day marriage to NBA basketball star Kris Humphries ended in her filing for divorce she has sat down and thought about what she really wants in a man.

The Hollywood celeb who is perhaps noted more for her enormous derriere than for anything else recently sat down with Kiowa Kettle of Tittle Tattle Tonight at a Tacos, Tacos, and Mucho More Tacos in West Hollywood.

The 31-year-old informed Miss Kettle that she has really had second thoughts about ever dating another sports figure again.

The second oldest of the Kardashian sisters winked and added that she has actually had third, fourth, and fifth thoughts about it.

She smiled as she put down her Brisket and Broccoli Taco and with tears in her eyes indicated just exactly how serious she is about never getting involved with a male who handles balls whether it be basketballs, footballs, or baseballs.

Kim looked out the window and pointed out that from now on she will only date men who like her are extremely well-known, popular celebrities.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: Other than her marriage to NBA player Kris Humphries, KimKar has dated such well known sports stars as Reggie Bush of the NFL New Orleans Saints, Miles Austin of the NFL Dallas Cowboys, and Tucker "Spitball" Bibbalooba of the MLB Cleveland Indians.]

Miss Kettle asked Kardashian what exactly seems to be the problem with dating men who are very popular in the world of sports.

Kim giggled as she took a bite out of her Super-Sized Chimichanga (deep fried burrito) and rolled her eyes.

She said that for one thing sports stars are always asking their WAGS (wives and/or girlfriends) how they looked during the game.

"Such as what for instance?" Kettle asked.

Kim raised her eyebrows and remarked well they want to know how they looked in their uniform; did it look uniform (no pun intended). Did it look at all sweaty. And on a 1 to 10 scale with a 10 being the best how good did it look on them.

"You're kidding?" Came the reply from Miss Kettle.

Kim laughed and went on to say that her football boyfriends want to know if their helmet looked like it was on right and if their football cup gave them that certain 'manly' look.

She stopped to take a drink of her Diet Dr. Pepper and said that one of her ex-boyfriends who she did not want to name even asked her if the television camera had caught him sitting in the dugout in between innings scratching a certain area of his baseball pants.

"No?"

"Yes!"

Kettle started laughing so hard she spilled some salsa picante (hot sauce) on her $285 Heidi Montag Designer Jeans. She told Kim that it sounded like dating sports figures was kind of like being a teacher in a day care center except that the kids are taller, older, and spit a lot.

Kim put down her Super-Sized Chimichanga and gave her a high five.

In other news. The Indianapolis City Council has ruled by a vote of 4 to 3 to not give in to the national group that wanted to change the name of their city to Native Americanapolis.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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