SANTA MONICA - Jennifer Aniston and an old friend from high school drove out to The Santa Monica Pier to spend a nice leisurely afternoon.
Jennifer was thrilled to have Hessie "Tambourine" Tammalino, who like her had attended the High School of The Performing Arts in New York City visiting her from the Big Apple.
Hessie was a divorcée who had once dated Mel Gibson but broke up with him when he yelled at her one night at his home when she accidentally hit the remote control and changed the channel from a collegiate football game between the LSU Tigers and the Auburn Tigers to a show about making cupcakes.
Tammalino said that suddenly Gibson was transformed from a funny, nice, easy going guy to a friggin werewolf from the poor side of hell.
She said that the mad Aussie suddenly picked up a Kangaroos Are Cute embossed sofa cushion and threw it in her direction as he screamed at her like one of Attila the Huns Barbarians.
He then composed himself, as well as Mel from hell can, and he instructed her to go into the kitchen and pour him another glass of Seven & Seven. She did as she was told.
She walked back into the living room, went up to Gibson and poured it all over his head. She turned around and walked out the door and never looked back.
A very surprised Aniston said that she had heard the story several years ago from Lisa Kudrow but that she had no idea that the girl in the story was her.
She gave her a fist bump and then hugged her. They walked over to one of the food stands and Jen bought each of them a Fried-Avocado-On-A-Stick which were invented in the nearby township of Avocado Heights.
As they sat down at a table Hessie asked about some of the men in her life. Jen blushed a bit and replied that although she has never had a problem getting a guy, it seems like she has one hell of a problem holding on to one.
Hessie shook her head and remarked that she had no idea why that was since she is such a stunningly sexy-looking woman.
Aniston thanked her. She then got a little sad. Hessie asked her if she was thinking about Brad (Pitt).
Jen smiled and replied that she knew her like a book. She then mentioned that she recalled how great things were back then before Brad went off to make the movie Mr. and Mrs. Smith with Angelina "The Husband Snatcher" Jolie.
Tammalino shook her head and confessed that she hates Jolie and hopes that she gets bit by a boa constrictor. Jen laughed and pointed out that there probably aren't too many boa constrictors slithering around in France.
Hessie giggled and then quipped, will then maybe she can get hit by a friggin meteorite.
"Okay, that's more like it" Jenn replied laughingly.
And then suddenly as the two sat there at the table eating their Fried-Avocados-On-A-Stick Jen yelled out at the top of her lungs, "I want to have Brad Pitt's baby!"
Hessie stood up from her chair, walked over to Jennifer, and gave her a great big kiss right on the lips.
Jennifer smiled and they both gave each other a thumbs up.
In a non-related story. The Joan Rivers - Chelsea Handler Feud is really heating up as Joan recently said that Chelsea's 'landing strip' looks like something one would find in an underdeveloped third world country.