Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Wednesday, 21 December 2011

image for The Erotically Sexy Jennifer Lopez Named "Cougar of The Year"
Some of the patrons gathered outside The Mr. Swifty Supermarket in Brooklyn. (Photo courtesy of Kelly Ripa).

BROOKLYN - Jennifer Lopez and her brand new boyfriend Caspar Smart were standing in line at a Mr. Swifty Supermarket when she glanced at the magazine rack section and spotted herself on one of the covers.

The publication was TV ClickerWorld and the headline on the cover read J.Lo - 2011's Cougar of The Year.

Right away her boyfriend grabbed the issue and turned to the story. Jennifer was blushing as the check-out clerk totalled up their groceries.

Caspar, who at 24, is actually young enough to be the 42-year-old stunning-looking Latina's son, read part of the article to Jennifer.

J.Lo's boy-toy pointed out that the story called him the new, young, hunk in the older, diva's life. He went on to say that Lopez had remarked to TV ClickerWorld reporter Sangria Wine that she is fed up with everyone making comments about her and Smart's relationship like, she's just with the little backup dancer to spite husband Marc Anthony and J.Lo just is hung up on Caspar because he can go on and on pretty much like the Eveready bunny.

The clerk later told Bedroom Pillow Talk's Gazebo Serengeti that Miss Lopez was extremely embarrassed because she noticed that just about everyone in the other check out lanes was reading the same magazine article and pointing towards her and Caspar.

The clerk identified as Giovanni "Mushroom" Heymeister said that he asked J.Lo to please autograph his work apron, which she did. Caspar then asked him if he wanted him to autograph his work apron as well and Heymeister smiled and politely nodded no.

J.Lo became very upset and she took her blue Sharpie pen and scratched out her name on Heymeister's work apron. He did not like that one bit and immediately got on his cash register mic and called store security who quickly showed up and escorted the Cougar of the Year, her boy toy, and their groceries out of the store.

FOOTNOTE: Some of J.Lo's closest friends have remarked how much of a resemblance there is between Caspar and Jennifer's soon-to-be-ex-husband Marc Anthony except of course for the wrinkles, the big age difference, and that very prevalent vampire look.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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