Written by shufflewick71
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Saturday, 17 December 2011

image for Shocking  revelation  from Stallone: 'my secret love for crochet'
Epiphany Fudge, after the ratings winning show. 'It's the granny look that hooks 'em in.What a pansy-ass!'

Hollywoood superstar, Sylvester 'Rocky' Stallone has this week tearfully revealed a long hidden secret...his love for the art of crochet. In an emotional interview with American confessional chat show host, Epiphany Fudge, the Rambo actor described crochet as the 'true love' of his life, although 'the boobs he bought for Brigitte Nielsen came a close second'.

' Oh Man, it has been so hard being seen as the tough guy all the time. How could I ever openly express my love for a hook, yarn and a slip and chain stitch? Fans only ask for a boxing pose in photos, and all I wanna do is get out the crocheted tablecloth I made during the making of 'Tango and Cash' to show 'em. Men have needs too, ya know? So many times I've wanted to share the fruits of my labour. I even crocheted a pair of boxing shorts for 'Rocky IV' but artistic integrity and realism had to prevail'.

Shocked reactions from former co-stars have been reported in the US media today. Sharon Stone, his co star in the blockbuster (euphemism for 'shit', Ed.) movie, 'The Specialist' gave her reaction at the ASS(American Society of Screenwriters) awards in LA:

' Well frankly, it all makes sense now. Sly was always sneaking back to his trailer between the many nude love scenes. I thought he was just 'slapping his salami' a little to make it appear more impressive on widescreen, but now I know where that 'Gucci' beret he gave me at the wrap party came from.'

After baring his soul to Ms. Fudge, Stallone revealed his next project would be a remake of the original 'Rambo', where the eponymous hero has to rescue a kidnapped knitting club from Cuban terrorists by crocheting a parachute, infiltrating the Island and strangling the kidnappers with a 25g ball of yarn.

The film will be in production by February 2012, released later that year, and in the crap DVD bargain bucket at ASDA shortly afterwards.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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