Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Monday, 19 December 2011

image for The Highly Volatile Howard Stern Has Been Picked To Replace Piers Morgan On America's Got Talent
America's Got Talent Judge Sharon Osbourne has said she is one very unhappy camper.

HOLLYWOOD - The producers of America's Got Talent after spending months and months trying to figure out who would be taking Piers Morgan's vacated judges' job have finally found a replacement.

It has been announced that after much behind-the-scenes deliberations the new AGT judge will be none other than the strongly opinionated and highly volatile New York radio personality Howard Stern.

A spokesperson for AGT Panola "Rum Rum" Rumsterhouse informed the entertainment media that Mr. Stern had been chosen from a list of two dozen individuals who were considered for the coveted position sitting along side Sharon "Da'ling" Osbourne and Howie "The Germ Freak" Mandel.

Ms. Rumstershouse said that the original list was soon cut down to five names which included Stern along with Kate Gosselin, Gary Busey, Kat Von D, and Charlie Sheen.

Gosselin was eliminated because the producers felt that she was just too moody and that her mood swings would probably clash tremendously with the bubbly and vibrant Ms Osbourne.

Busey was not chosen due to the fact that it was feared that he would end up scaring not only a lot of the show's younger contestants but a lot of the shows viewers in the 4 to 6 age category as well.

Rumsterhouse noted that Kat Von D was deemed to have way too much ink art and that would no doubt have offended a lot of the blue rinse viewers who tend to have very sensitive stomachs when it comes to looking at someone who is completely covered with tattoos.

And Charlie "The Space Cadet" Sheen actually came very close to being chosen but Sharon Osbourne reportedly told the producers that if they picked him and he tried any of his underneath the table thigh grabbing with her that she would smack him so hard that his brother Emilio Estevez would feel it.

So the producers decided to go with the 6-foot-5-inch tall, 57-year-old Howard Allan Stern. But they soon learned that they had a rather large problem.

Stern, who lives and works in New York City, let them know that he would not be able to fly back and forth to do the show. So the powers that be decided that they would take the show to him and move it to New York City.

Howard was so thrilled he fired off about a dozen expletives in happiness. Of course the move did not sit too well with Los Angeles residents Sharon Osbourne, Howie Mandel, and Nick "The Swizzle Stick" Cannon. But the top executive with the show simply remarked "Hey, we're moving the show to New York City - so tough titty said the kitty."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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