Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Sunday, 11 December 2011

image for X-Factor's Rachel Crow To Appear With Nina Dobrev and Ian Somerhalder In 'The Vampire Diaries'
A silver plated hair dryer that Rachel Crow received from her mentor Simon Cowell as a parting gift.

LOS ANGELES - The producer of the top rated cable show The Vampire Diaries was watching X-Factor when 13-year-old Rachel Crow was eliminated.

Manolo Middlezuck says that he was amazed to see the pixie little singer standing up and saying that she was fine one second and the next second after it was announced that she was going home she suddenly became a little glob of jello as she yelled out and slithered down to the floor.

Middlezuck spoke with Pico de Gallo of Tittle Tattle Tonight and told him that he was surprised that the shows host Steve "Mr. Stone Face" Jones simply stood there reading from the teleprompter while "Little Crow" lied all alone on the floor for a few seconds until her mother rushed up to her from her audience seat.

Simon Cowell also made his way to the stage and asked Rachel if she had gotten hurt. She replied that she was fine and he whispered that he did not want to hear the next day that she had suffered a broken leg, a broken arm, or had been severely traumatized and was suing him and his show.

According to Paula Abdul who heard everything, Rachel told Simon not to worry his British butt about it because she would not be suing him like Drew Ryniewicz (the previous X-Factor cast-off) was doing.

Middlezuck told de Gallo that he had a front row seat and he noticed that Nicole Scherzinger was sobbing loudly. He could hear her crying out "It's my fault, it's my fault, I sent the chubby little curly-haired cutey pie home."

[EDITOR'S NOTE: Many people felt that it was all Nicole's fault because she voted to make it a 2-2 deadlock. But the fact is that the final say on sending Rachel home was actually the American voters who gave her the least amount of votes - pure and simple. The viewing public decided who goes home, as well they should just like they do on X-Factor's older cousin American Idol.]

Middlezuck noted that Crow was crying along with Paula, Nicole, Rachel's fellow contestant Melanie Amaro and even one of the cameramen.

The Vampire Dairies producer pointed out that he had not seen that much crying since Brett Favre's 42nd birthday party this past October 10, which was attended by Glenn Beck, John Boehner, and Jennifer Lopez all notorious criers.

De Gallo said that Middlezuck told him that after the show he went backstage being very careful not to slip on the countless number of tear puddles and he got to speak to Rachel right before the shows on-the-spot medic gave her oxygen.

He told "Little Crow" that he wanted to sign her to appear in an upcoming episode of his show and that she would be starring in the role of Sanskritina Moonbeam, a character who turns out to be Nina Dobrev's character Elena Gilbert's long lost cousin from Horseshoe Bend, Idaho.

Tina, as Elena calls her, has a very mysteriously mystifying and esoterically enigmatic past and possesses the pubescent power to be able to look into the futuristic future.

She peers into the coming year and she sees that an interesting financial gain will befall Ian Somerhalder's character Damon Salvatore.

The Vampire Diaries has been voted the number one show in the countries of Scotland, South Korea, Singapore, Slovakia, and Zimbabwe.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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