Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Monday, 5 December 2011

image for Christina Aguilera Reveals The Reason Why She Has Gained So Much Weight
A photo of Matt Rutler's truck. (NOTE: If you look real close you can see Christina in the side view mirror).

WEST HOLLYWOOD - The girl who revived the careers of genies with her song "Genie In A Bottle" Christina Aguilera recently stated that yes she has in fact packed on quite a bit of weight.

Aguilera talked with Fajita San Guacamole of Hollywood Innuendo and told her that she has finally met the love of her life, the man of her dreams, the dong to her ding.

When asked just who this special male was she replied that his initials are "M.R."

San Guacamole asked, "Mickey Rourke?"

"No."

"Manny Ramirez?"

"Nope."

San Guacamole told her that she was interviewing Jessica Simpson about her weight gain in 45 minutes and asked Christina to just tell her.

Aguilera replied that her new boyfriend was Matt Rutler.

"Who the heck is Matt Rutler?" San Guacamole asked.

Christina replied that he was the guy who in her mind hung the moon, The dude who lit up the stars in the sky, and the fella who put the bop in be bop a lula she's my baby.

San Guacamole asked ChrisAg if Rutler had proposed to her. She smiled and said that he hadn't because he is kind of on the shy side. But she remarked that she is planning on her and Matt taking a vacation down to Cabo San Lucas, Mexico and her goal is to return back to the United States engaged.

She added that the reason for her huge weight gain is due to the fact that she is thrilled at the prospect of getting married again and especially to Matty.

Christina giggled and confessed that her happiness causes her to eat a lot of food especially tacos, tostadas, tamales, tortillas, and Twinkies.

The popular songstress told San Guac that she will come back from Mexico engaged if she has to ask Matty to marry her herself. She said that he feels bad because he is not a singer, or a dancer, or even a stand up comedian.

Christina said she told him that she does not care because she likes him just the way he is. She went on to say that they both share an intense love for Diet Dr. Pepper, The Dallas Cowboys, and the "Star Spangled Banner."

SIDENOTE: Aguilera wanted to stress the fact that the rumor that she has a tattoo with Charlie Sheen's name on her buttocks is positively untrue.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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