Written by Ellis Ian Fields
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this

Saturday, 19 November 2011

image for Children In Need Boosted by "Doin' Nowt' Man
Knocker raising cash for Children In Need last week.

Annual BBC charity TV marathon Children In Need was celebrating another record-breaking Friday night gala, with more than £23 million raised so far.

And local misery "Knocker" Pratt is making a significant contribution to that total.

Mr Pratt is a regular sight in the High Road, sitting in shop doorways or on the park bench on the green, with his cans of extra-strength lager or cider, entertaining passers-by with his witty observations on life in general.

"He's a character, that Knocker," said local do-gooder Nancy Splodge. "I walked by him in the doorway of the O2 shop last week and I asked him what he was planning to do for Children In Need.

"He said, 'I'm doin' bloody nowt for bloody Children In bloody Need,' he told me and I thought that was a brilliant idea, so I gave him five pounds there and then."

Mrs Splodge spread the word and local people have been seeking Knocker out to give him money for the charity.

Knocker hasn't been seen around since yesterday lunchtime, but Mrs Splodge believes he went to London to hand over the cash.

"From what I gather, he's raised thousands from local people. I can't wait to see him on the news giving the money to Terry Wogan."

"I don't know about that," said manager of the local branch of Imperial Wines and Spirits, Colin Mange. "We had a bloke in here yesterday spent an absolute fortune on cider, lager and cheap whisky and ran off with it all in a couple of trolleys.

"I wasn't here, but I've seen the security tapes and it looks like Knocker to me."

Make Ellis Ian Fields's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this


Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 3 multiplied by 1?

4 20 3 8

Go to top ^