Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Friday, 11 November 2011

image for Ashton Kutcher Is So Upset About His Recent Way Out-of-Line Tweet That He Has Imposed A One Week Tweeting Ban on Himself
Ashton Kutcher says that he has certainly learned his "Tweeting" lesson.

HOLLYWOOD - Ashton Kutcher says he now knows how people who put their big fat feet in their mouths like Gilbert Gottfried, Billy Bob Thornton, and Joaquin Phoenix, who are all currently in the Witless Protection Program feel.

Kutcher, the roving boy-toy husband of Demi "The Cougar" Moore told Pia Confetti of the El Lay Informer that he does not know what he was thinking when he made his absolutely stupid remark about how 99-year-old Penn State Coach Joe Paterno is guilty until proven innocent.

Ashton noted that when he typed that tweet he had just woken up from nap after having had one too many Hurricanes which his co-host Jon Cryer had made for him at the home of their co-host Conchata Ferrell who was celebrating her recent three pound weight loss.

The actor who replaced Charlie "The Space Cadet" Sheen on the hit sit-com Two and A Half Men promises to never again tweet before he is wide awake.

He said that he is truly embarrassed like the time he did not realize that his zipper was down the first time he met Michelle Obama at a birthday party that they both attended in honor of the rock and roll Prince of Darkness Ozzy Osbourne.

Ashton stated that to prove just how sorry he really is about this TweeterGate incident, as The Cucamonga Chit Chat Chronicle is calling it, he has decided to impose a one week tweeting ban on himself.

He noted that if he finds himself tweeting before the ban expires that he will shave off his silly looking beard and wear lipstick and six-inch high heels during an entire episode of Two and A Half Men.

November 14 is National Education Is A Truly Wonderful Thing Day except in the town of University Park, Pennsylvania where Penn State University is located.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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