Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Friday, 11 November 2011

image for Kim Kardashian Says That She Will Definitely Not Be Returning Any of The Wedding Gifts
Kim Kardashian said that the top tier of the wedding cake with the bride and groom figurines will be sold on eBay.

BEVERLY HILLS - According to Kim Kardashian's hair stylist FuFi Fondue the reality show maven and blushing bride of 72 days has made it abundantly clear that the wedding presents will not be returned to their rightful owners.

Kimmy, as Carson Kressley calls her, told Carolina Chipotle of Bedroom Pillow Talk, Ling Chow Rangoon of iRumors, and Tapioca Swizzle of Tittle Tattle Tonight to please let their viewers know that she does not want any celebrities, friends, or relatives texting her, emailing her, or phoning her and asking her to return their wedding gifts that were given to her and her soon-to-be-ex-husband NBA lockout player Kris Humphries.

Kardashian said that she is simply going by what she read in a book on proper wedding gift etiquette titled, Okay, So If The Marriage Lasts Less Than 90 Days Do The Wedding Gifts All Go Back or What?

Kim pointed out that just like her mother said on a morning talk show that she refuses to believe that those individuals who gave her all of those fantastically expensive wedding gifts are all 'Indian Givers.'

Kris Kardashian AKA "Mommy" Kardashian told Fajita San Guacamole of Hollywood Innuendo that people have to understand that once a gift is given, it stays given. She pointed out that this is not the old Monte Hall game show, Let's Make A Deal, where contestants could give back the prizes that they had won.

Mrs. Kardashian paused for a moment and remarked, "I mean do you really think that Ann Coulter wants Kimmy to return the baby rhino she gave her? No.

Do you think that Brett Favre wants for my sweet Kimmy, who is devastated, to return the brand new fully loaded KIA Spectra that he gave her? No.

And do you really think that President and Mrs. Barack Obama want my wonderful, kind, caring, and compassionate daughter to return the $1,000 wedding gift certificate to The La Brea Tar Pits Diner? No."

SIDENOTE: Barbara Walters of The View is reporting that if Kim Kardashian does not return the bagel-shaped emerald encrusted toothpick holder that she gave her and Kris, and which she paid $997 plus tax for, that she will hire attorney Gloria Allred and sue her.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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