Written by jd Balderdash
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Topics: cheese, Pizza

Thursday, 19 January 2006

image for Janet Jackson downs 150 Pizzas, blames Michael and his Pals for turning her into a Goodyear Blimp

Janet Jackson, suddenly 120 lbs chubbier than Roseanne blames brother Micheal and his two 12 year old pals Bobby and Kenny for playing a practical joke on her during their vist to Chucky Cheese Pizza. Michael was unavailable for comment but his pal, Bobby was, telling reporters, "Me and Uncle Mike and Kenny just wanted to fool Janet, see if she COULD eat 150 Chucky Cheese pizzas in a row. She did. Blew up like a balloon. Me and Kenny ran when we saw that happen. Uncle Mike just sat there finishing his slice of Chucky Cheese."

Former Super Bowl queen Janet Jackson now finds herself having to shop for clothes at the "Big n HUGE" boutique thanks to her brother's "playful" prank. Janet told reporters,

"I knew something was up when I got down the the 130th pizza and Michael and the boys were giggling like school girls."

Sony Records says that they will not cancel any of Janet's upcoming concerts but will instead have her perform in total darkness while on stage and forbid her from eating another bite until she at least gets down to 300 lbs and can fit into a medium sized designer pup tent.

Michael Jackson, currently "incognito" occasionally does show up at random Chucky Cheese Pizza places around the country, usually with a couple of young friends who call him "Uncle Mike". One Boise Chucky Cheese manager told reporters,

"I thought that was Michael Jackson coming in one night. He sat down with these 2 kids, nice kids, ordered them all a few double deckers, played a few video games then left. I didn't follow them so I don't know where they went but I did hear one of the kids go,

"Can I get the TOP bunk tonight Uncle Mike? You and Robbie can take the bottom."

Janet Jackson, speaking with reporters vows to lose the weight Michael and his friends tricked her into gaining that night by cutting out all burgers, tarts, radishes and "I can't Believe it's not Butter" butter.

"I'll even cut back on Starbucks Frappuccino's if that's what it takes to un-blimp" Jackson promised.

Janet's current World Tour, "Janet Reloaded" which has been aptly renamed "Janet and Orca's Greatest Hits Reloaded" is still drawing crowds worldwide, mostly crowds of Pavarotti's fighting to snap the next "oh my GOD look what happened to JANET" Enquirer $hot.

Spokesmen for Chucky Cheese say that their pizza is not at fault here, one executive saying,

"Pizza's don't turn people into Goodyear Blimps. People turn People into Goodyear Blimps."

Sony records hopes that sometime around the time Hillary Clinton takes the Oval Office that Janet Jackson will be back to her pre-Orca svelte Super Bowl mesmerizing self and can once again appear live in concert .. with the lights on.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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