Written by Buck E Filbert
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this

Sunday, 6 November 2011

image for Andy Rooney Writes His Own Obituary
"Vegetarian - that's an old Indian word meaning lousy hunter". Andy Rooney

Andy Rooney was found dead in his office yesterday sitting in front of his keyboard. Rooney 92 was best known for his down home observations on the long running news magazine 60 Minutes. Rooney had retired about a month ago so it seems he saw the handwriting on the wall in advance.

Surprisingly Rooney was writing his own obituary as he passed. Here are his own words...when you read you have to have Rooney's voice in your head as you read.

Ever wonder about death? You live all this time to understand how things really work and just when you think you have it all figured out, bam! death strikes you down.

Where do you go when you die? Is there life after death? Is there a heaven and hell. Religion tells us if we are good we go to heaven and if we're bad we go to hell. I'm not really sure if that's the truth.

Some religions say you live a number of lives, you live life as many times as it takes until you get it right and are pure of soul, only then do you move on to the next stage of evolution. I'm not really sure if that's the truth.

Science tells us our bodies break down into molecules and atoms and we go back to the basic elements and therefore create the big circle of life. Science has never caught a soul escaping from a dying person so the imperacle evidence is not forthcoming or leaning in one direction or the other. I'm not really sure if that's the truth.

Did you ever wonder why they have fences around cemeteries? Is it to keep people out? We all know no one in there is trying to get out...........so ...why....the fences.......

Rooney's writing stopped at this point and it is assumed this is where he passed.

Rooney was loved by many generations as the curmudgeonly old uncle you should have had but never did. He will be fondly remembered by millions.

RIP Andy Rooney


From Sunset and Vine in beautiful downtown Hollywood Ca 90028
BEF
Vagina


Somewhere thinkin:

Death is a distant rumor to the young.
Andy Rooney

I didn't get old on purpose, it just happened. If you're lucky, it could happen to you.
Andy Rooney

People will generally accept facts as truth only if the facts agree with what they already believe.
Andy Rooney

Make Buck E Filbert's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this


Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 5 plus 3?

4 24 18 8

Go to top