Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Sunday, 6 November 2011

image for What Animal Ethicists Did To Make Reese Witherspoon Cry
This is the type of snake that Reese Witherspoon's purse was made from. (Photo by Rico Chorizo).

BEVERLY HILLS - Actress Reese Witherspoon was recently approached by an undercover agent for an animal rights group as she shopped at Millions and Millions of Shoes, a local Beverly Hills shoe store.

The individual representing a group campaigning for the ethical treatment of animals noted that Miss Witherspoon was carrying an expensive imported European purse which he ascertained was made from python snake skin.

He informed the famous Hollywood actress who appeared surprised, shocked, and who said that she had no idea that the purse was made from python.

When the agent identified as Braxton "Broccoli" Brokenheimer, 38, asked her what she thought the purse was made out of, Witherspoon simply replied with a question, "Material made from redwood trees?"

Brokenheimer pointed out that he had deduced that the purse was made using the skin of a female python which lived in the upper sub-Saharan Desert of Africa.

Witherspoon asked him how in the world he knew that. He grinned and said that he had graduated at the top of his class from Sitting Bull State University with a degree in African Snakeology.

Brokenheimer then informed Miss Witherspoon that he was going to have to confiscate her purse, place her in handcuffs, and call the store security guard and have her placed in custody until the LAPD could arrive and take her downtown.

Witherspoon began to cry. She told Mr. Brokenheimer that the purse had been a gift from Paris Hilton and that if anyone should be arrested it should be her since she is the one who actually purchased the $800 purse in the first place.

Brokenheimer told her that she had a valid point, even tough the purse was actually in her possession. She was told that if she would cooperate and help him go after the bigger fish (i.e. Paris Hilton) that he would consider letting her go with just a little warning.

Witherspoon informed Mr. Brokenheimer that she was scheduled to meet Paris at the Haven of Hair Salon in Beverly Hills in two hours.

When Reese was told that she would not be charged with any misdemeanor she immediately stopped crying. She took out her blue Sharpie Pen and autographed Mr. Brokenheimer's set of handcuffs which he had removed from her wrists.

SIDENOTE: Braxton Brokenheimer waited at the salon for Paris Hilton to show up but her hair stylist FuFi Fondue told him that Hilton had cancelled due to the fact that she was feeling sad since she had broken a nail and did not want to leave the house.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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