Written by P.M. Wortham
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Thursday, 3 November 2011

image for Kim Karplastican Lobbies Daniel Craig for Next Bond Girl Spot
Kim Kardashian as the next Bond Girl? Shoot me now.

Not to be left out of the next entertainment news cycle and realizing her 15 minutes of reality show nonsensical fame is about up, newly available though not yet divorced Kim Karplastican, will be lobbying Daniel Craig to win the female lead in the next Bond film temporarily dubbed "Bond 23".

Insiders to the Karplastican family say that Kim would be perfect for an action oriented Bond character. "She has the hair, she has the look and well let's face it, she has the right amount of fresh produce stuffed nicely into her silk underwear to make the right impression. Kim would be perfect" says Kim's makeup artist, Renaldo Nerphman. "But can she act?" says Bond 23 assistant film editor, Ken Yadoomi.

Bond 23 producers would not confirm or deny rumors that the Karplastican entourage had visited the set late yesterday, though a number of cheap handheld video cameras, like the ones used to film reality TV were found near the closed stage entrance. Late in the day, rumors were confirmed when the big haired and sequined group of females emerged from the set and left quickly in their matching Bentleys. Some poor schlub looking remarkably like Bruce Jenner was spotted still standing at the door with his arms in the air. A sympathetic producer called him a cab.

"It didn't go that well", says Yadoomi. "The director kept yelling action and Kim kept winking at the camera and striking a pose. During a chase seen, she simply couldn't run fast enough. Body parts were flying everywhere. The slow motion replays were fantastic if we were filming a soft porn beach scene, but awful while she's being chased through a church. Worse than Denise Richards, and that's saying something. Ooh. I still get the shivers".

Craig could not be reached for comment, though his assistant commented, "Well, it's called a Bond film because the central character is supposed to be Bond. There was way, WAY too much of that girl on the screen, and she can't act to save her quite ample arse".

Bond 23 filming is expected to begin next month.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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